you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
