the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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