If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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