I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
