Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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