Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
