They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
