whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
