If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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