...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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