she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
