A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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