where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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