He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
