Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
