Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The struggles of a small town man whore
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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