You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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