Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
