ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
