I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i believe in u and ur pee
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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