he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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