dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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