Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
