I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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