Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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