dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
