We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
