So drunk its hurt
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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