No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize