I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
