Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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