I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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