There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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