So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
