Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
