That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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