This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize