Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
