I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
