oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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