If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
