What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
