broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
