I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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