You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
