Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
