I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Randomize
