no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
