My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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