Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
