Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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