I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize