when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
