then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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