Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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