i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
