Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
