how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
