Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
