I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize