I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is my gift to your gina
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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