i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
