god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
