Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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