No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
