I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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