Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
