I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
