Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
