Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
