i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
