We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
