uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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