put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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