my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
