I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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