Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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