All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
