I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
