what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's get the cat blown out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
