My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
