Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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