sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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