You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
