So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
