I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
