Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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