Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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