last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
