tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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